Gas Fireplace

The Santa Suit – Fighting Against Gas Fireplaces

When the news broke late last week that North Pole Incorporated, (NYSE: NPLI) was filing suit against most of the world’s gas fireplace manufacturers, the shock was palpable. With Christmas just around the corner, this debate about fireplaces has taken the world by storm.

During a press conference, Lester Elfberg, Chief Legal Counsel for North Pole laid out his company’s grievance. “We at North Pole take Christmas very seriously, for obvious reasons. For centuries our company has had a mutually beneficial agreement, with the manufacturers of fireplaces, known as the Claus Accord. The current trends towards gas fireplaces that depend on either direct-vent or ventless systems are in obvious breach of this agreement. North Pole wishes to make it clear, we are not suing to prevent people from buying these fireplaces, rather we are suing for a safe alternative. This is about North Pole’s relationships with our customers and the health of our beloved CEO.”

The suit itself includes allegations of discrimination, breach of contract, and unsafe working conditions. The crux of the case hinges on whether or not North Pole’s celebrity CEO, Santa Claus, is able to make use of gas fireplaces during the company’s annual holiday celebration. A member of one of the manufacturing companies, speaking on a condition of anonymity due to the pending trial, had this to say, “We all take Santa’s safety very seriously. But let’s face facts; this is North Pole trying to tell us how to do our jobs. The man in red has no problem getting into apartments without fireplaces.”

A commercial, traced to the public action group People for Affordable Fireplaces, titled “Scrooge” paints a rather unflattering picture of Santa. The commercial, which a majority of fireplace manufacturers have come out against, alleges that Santa is seeking to profit from the increased sale of affordable gas fireplaces by forcing chimneys, driving a wedge between those who can afford a fireplace, and those who must go without. As the commercial states “Just because you can’t afford a chimney, doesn’t mean you can’t afford a fireplace. Don’t let Santa be a fireplace Scrooge.”

Pro-Santa supporters have been reacting to both the suit and the commercial with unwavering support for the man with the trademark laugh. “Look, Christmas is hard work. Santa has to fly all over the world and deliver presents. He’s got to juggle a huge list of who’s been good and who hasn’t, and all he asks for in return is for houses to have a chimney a certain width! What’s so wrong with that?” asked mall Santa, and pro-Santa pundit Jeffery Kerns of NorthPoleOhio.com.

The argument is quickly spreading, occupying the television, the internet, and the editorial sections of newspapers across the country. Several malls in America have had protestors removed for causing a scene. Fake fireplaces, complete with chimneys, are looking like they might become this year’s hottest lawn decoration. But, there is one noted area of silence – Santa himself. Notorious for his privacy, Mr. Claus has let his legal counsel handle all of the public relations regarding the case. With him not talking, it seems like the world will have to wait until this case sees trial before we learn the truth – are gas fireplaces a danger for Santa?

With looming fears over the current and future states of Christmas, over the safety of perhaps the world’s most beloved man, it’s easy to lose perspective. While collecting quotes for this story, I stopped a six year old girl named Jenny, to ask her if she was worried. Her answer was a simple no. When I asked her why she felt that way, she responded with perhaps the most profound statement a person could utter regarding this very complex and heated argument, “Because I’ve been good.”

In this, the age where it’s Pro-Chimney versus Pro-Affordability, Tradition versus Technology, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters. To Santa, according to one very wise six year old, it’s not what kind of fire place you have that should matter, but rather whether you’ve been good. So be good for goodness’ sake.

About the Author

This humorous article provided by Agee Woodworks, makers of Santa-approved
fireplace mantels
. Agee Woodworks is a family owned and operated business specializing in handcrafted fireplace mantels,
mantel shelves
, surrounds and cabinets.

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