Medallion Fireplace

I need some ‘quality’ jokes, mine are now a bit too ancient…?

E.G. A friend of mine was renovating an old cottage (400+ yrs old) when he found a finger bone up the fireplace. Soon he found a whole skeleton. The police on investigating found that the bones were several centuries old. A medallion with a Latin inscription was found with the bones. A local Catholic priest confirmed the latin inscription read: “Ye Worldes best hyde n seeke champion 1756″

Cartwheeling for Cash

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, “Mommy, I got five dollars!”
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, ”Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, “Don’t you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties.”

”OOOOhhhh” said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, “Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, “Where did you get the ten dollars from?”

The little girl replied, “Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed.”

The mother replied, “Didn’t I tell you that he is…”

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ”Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn’t wear any panties today.”

(hope this was wat u were looking for.)